Someones are Missing

As more time passes since my nieces' death, my grief pattern changes.  I don't cry so much.  I used to be afraid that that meant I didn't miss them.  But I've come to realize that's not it.  It just means I miss them differently.  I still feel such sorrow whenever they aren't where they should be. When they aren't with us here.  I think I don't cry so much because I'm getting used to this new normal.  I think I show how I miss them with the things I notice in the world around me.  I see pink and yellow everywhere.  My heart hurts when I see a girl with curly brown hair and glasses.  I ache when I look at my duck nativity scene.  

Rebecca and Rachel have been the backdrop on my laptop since February 2010.  I'm not sure I'll ever want to change it.  They always remind me to be better.  I like to think that Rebecca helps me to be smart, and that Rachel helps me to be joyful.  

More than anything, I wish Becca and Rachel could be with us this Christmas (and all Christmases). 

Comments

  1. B Flat MajorDecember 24, 2011 at 8:37 AM

    Crying. I miss them so much too. I like how you say Rebecca helps you be smart and Rachel helps you be joyful. Christmas isn't the same anymore, is it?

    ReplyDelete
  2. ellenDecember 24, 2011 at 10:46 AM

    I miss my brother every day and I will never take that photo of him off my piano.

    As Adrienne said once (when she was 3), "poor all of us."

    ReplyDelete

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